I Know Now
by ncis-4-ever-and-ever
Summary: Tony admits to himself that he loves Ziva. TIVA!
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so this story is going to be four chapters long, and I am going to upload a new chapter each day. This story is based on the song "Ho Hey" by the Lumineers. Hope you like it! :)**

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"(Ho!) I've been trying to do it right  
(Hey!) I've been living a lonely life  
(Ho!) I've been sleeping here instead  
(Hey!) I've been sleeping in my bed,  
(Ho!) I've been sleeping in my bed  
(Hey!)"

I sat alone in my empty apartment just staring at the blank TV. I did that a lot lately because I didn't have those one night stands anymore. After Berlin, well, for once I admitted to myself that I did indeed love Ziva David. Even though I did have these feelings before, I was just now admitting it.

This whole love thing is new to me. Even though I said I "loved" Jeanne, I didn't mean it. I practically tried to force myself to love her. I did everything in my power to try to love her, but it never worked.

I just needed an excuse to try to not let Ziva know I liked her, well loved her. We were getting too close, and I knew that I would have broke soon if Jenny did not give me that mission. I actually have no idea how I have kept myself away from her for this long.

It has always been her. It has always been Ziva David. Berlin proved that. Just by the way we looked at each other during our dance proved it.

But I'm starting to think that when Gibbs created his rules, he created them with the universe. So, if you break these rules, the universe will try to stop the rule breaking.

I know that sounds a little confusing but I swear it is true. Well for instance, when Ziva and I were in the car, I intertwined our fingers. I guess the universe thought Ziva and I were getting too close because right when she was about to say something, that I believe was going to be a possible, "I love you," a car crashed into us. A car! A fricken car! Like I knew Gibbs was serious about these rules, but you don't try to kill us for almost breaking them. Honestly, that's just something that you don't do, but then again it is Gibbs.

But going back to the original subject, I haven't had a one night stand in over a two months. I'm pretty proud of myself. I must love her a lot, to give up...well you know.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you guys so much for the reviews, favorites, and follows. Hope you guys like it! :) Oh, btw, I forgot to mention this last time: I do not own NCIS or anything. No copyright intended.**

"(Ho!) So show me family

(Hey!) All the blood that I would bleed

(Ho!) I don't know where I belong

(Hey!) I don't know where I went wrong  
(Ho!) But I can write a song  
(Hey!)  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweet"

When Ziva's father died, I thought I had lost her. I thought she was going to become secretive again, and put up all of her walls to try to block us out. Although, she did try that. I just wouldn't let her do it.

Flashback #1  
"Ziva," I said gently shaking her trying to wake her up from her nightmare.

"Stop!" She screamed, and then gasped as I grabbed her arm.

"It's ok. It's just a bad dream." I whispered trying to get her to calm down.

"No, it's not." She said gently, as I tried to intertwine our fingers.

"C'mon."

"Leave me alone Tony." She whispered, gently patting my arm. "I'm fine, really!"

End of Flashback

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Flashback #2

"Solitaire?" I asked, as I walked into the room.

"None of your business."

"Oh I think it is. It's my apartment, my computer. Ziva, it's my job to protect you. Who are you emailing?"

"Old friends," She quickly said.

"In Israel?" I asked at the same speed.

"They do not know about my father."

"That's for the best." I said quickly once again.

"But apparently, my father's protege, Ilan Bodnar, is in Washington, looking for me. Does he know what happened?"

"He does now," I whispered.

"And you did not think to tell me!" She asked raising her voice.

"I thought Ziva! I think a lot of stuff," I admitted. "All the time. I've been thinking about how to keep you away from all of this, but clearly that's not working."

"Why must I be kept away? I have known Ilan since we were children. He always fancied himself a son of Eli, apart of my family. Which he is not. I am blood! And I am not allowed to have access?"

"What do you want me to say Ziva? The guy is Mossad."

"I was Mossad!"

"And now you are the daughter of a dead man," I said harshly. "Why don't you let yourself act like one."

End of Flashback

After about a week or so, she began to try to be like Ziva again. I guess she knew she was not alone in all of this, that her family, would always be there to catch her when she falls.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you guys! Hope you like this story! Tomorrow I will post the last chapter :(...cause there is basically only one more verse. So please enjoy chapter 3 :). Still don't own anything btw**

"(Ho!) I don't think you're right for him  
(Hey!) Look at what it might have been if you  
(Ho!) Took a bus to China Town  
(Hey!) I'd be standing on Canal  
(Ho!) And Bowery  
(Hey!)  
(Ho!) And she'd be standing next to me  
(Hey!)  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart"

When I found out she slept with Adam, I was heart broken. I was the one who had helped through all of it, I was the one who told her she was not alone! What did he do!? All he did was sleep with her, and that supposably made her feel 50% better?

I would have gone with her, if she felt so alone. I would have been there for her once again! I would not of just took advantage of her vulnerability, like he did. Why couldn't of Adam just been her shoulder to cry on while I wasn't there. Nope instead he had to get her in bed.  
If I ever see him again, I don't care about the rules, I'm going to punch him straight in the face like he deserves. Who could take advantage of a delicate, beautiful creature like Ziva? Who would want to hurt her?

But you can't just blame it all on him, Ziva had a part in it too. She could have said no! She didn't have to sleep with him! But no she went along with it. How could she do this to me!? After all we have been through together. I thought our relationship was growing, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I love her, and nothing could ever change that, but this does put a damper on things.

I mean I would do anything for her, go anywhere for her. I love her with all of my heart. And I guess this is just one of those bumps in the road. But I know that we can get through anything as long as we have each other.

Flashback

"Out of everyone in the world who could have found me, it had to be you?"

"You're welcome. So are you glad to see me?" I asked.

"You should not have come."

"Alright then. Good catching up. I'll be going now. Oh yea I forgot taken prisoner." I said sarcastically.

"Are you alright, Mcgee?" Ziva asked.

"Just glad you're alive," Mcgee asked faintly.

"You thought I was dead?" She asked.

"Oh, oh yea." I said glancing up at the ceiling.

"Then why are you here?" She asked yet another question.

"Mcgee, Mcgee didn't think you were dead."

"Tony. Why are you here?"

"Couldn't live without you I guess." I said trying hard, not to say anything else.

End of Flashback


	4. Chapter 4

**So this is the last chapter :( I Hope you guys liked this story, and the song I picked out. Thank you again for all of your follows, favorites, and reviews. There is one person that I would like to specifically thank, and that would be...*drum roll*...Ncistivalover1! Well here is the last chapter! :) btw still don't own anything.**

"Love – we need it now  
Let's hope for some  
So, we're bleeding out  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweet  
(Ho!)  
(Hey!)  
(Ho!)  
(The last one)  
(Hey!)"

Ziva David is the one for me. She's special. She can be a ninja one minute, and then be a soft, gentle, caring person the next. I truly believe that she is my soul mate. But how is she my soul mate...

Well as Dawson once said to Lilly Leery in "...Must Come to an End" a soul mate is a: "It's uh... Well, it's like a best friend, but more. It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It's someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don't make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soul mate is someone who you carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you'll always love her. Nothing can ever change that."

Basically that quote explains what Ziva is to me. And I can truly say that I do love her, and that I would do anything for her. Heck, I would even risk my own life for her, which I have done in the past by the way.

When I'm around her, I can act myself, because she knows me. I don't have to hide anything from her because she already knows me too well. If I acted different she would know.

Flashback

She placed one hand on my chest before saying, "Look, I'm sorry if I hurt you in all of this. It was never intended."

Why couldn't have she just left it alone, I can't deal with this right now. It hurt me too much.

"Tony, I care too much about our...friendship. I do not want it to be awkward between us." She said gently, seeing my pain.

"Hey," I said before lightly placing a kiss on her forehead, "Nothing's awkward between friends."

End of Flashback

I still have no idea how she knows when I am upset. Maybe its her ninja powers tingling, i don't know. Or maybe she just knows me. Maybe she is my broken piece. Maybe I just need her to survive. Like I said, I can't live without her. I love Ziva David.

**Oh yea, sorry this chapter was so short. I thought that one quote basically summed up everything. I love to hear from you guys so please review. Also, you guys can choose a song and I will try to write a story off of it. THANKS AGAIN :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Petitioning CBS Television Studios

**CBS Television Studios: Bring Cote de Pablo back to NCIS!**

This is for Cote de Pablo everyone! Please go to google and type in: "CBS Television Studios: Bring Cote de Pablo back to NCIS! petition"

Here you will sign a petition for her return.

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For 8 years, Cote de Pablo has been an intrinsically important part of the CBS smash hit that is NCIS. Voted TV's Sexiest Law Enforcement Officer, and even one of the US's all time favorite celebrities, Cote has delighted us with her presence on the show as her beautiful yet deadly character Ziva David.

Now after an 8 season run with her on board, the 22 million average viewers of NCIS are forced to look at the bleak future of a program without her, and that is something that has shocked and devastated a large amount of people.

Ziva is a character that has inspired many girls and women to become the people they are today: to not give up through hardship, fight for their own happiness and find your family. She has taught values such as strength, resilience and courage. I know she has been a huge role model to me personally and it absolutely devastates me to see her character written off like this after such a long time.

So this is why I am making this petition today: please bring Cote back! NCIS isn't NCIS without Cote de Pablo, and this is on behalf of all viewers out there who feel the same.


End file.
